For someone else
How to help someone having a panic attack
Stay with them, keep your voice low and slow, and tell them what is happening: this is a panic attack, it is horrible, and it passes. Do not tell them to calm down. Most attacks last between five and twenty minutes and end on their own.
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What to do, in order
- Stay. The single most useful thing. Do not go to fetch help unless you need to; being left alone in the middle of one is worse than almost anything else you could get wrong.
- Say what is happening. “I think this is a panic attack. It is really unpleasant and it will pass.” Naming it gives them something to hold.
- Move somewhere less crowded, if they want to. Ask first. Do not steer them anywhere by the arm without checking.
- Breathe out slowly with them. Do not instruct — demonstrate. Long, audible out-breaths they can follow. Longer out than in, and small breaths in. Never tell someone to take a deep breath; when you feel you cannot breathe, that is the worst possible advice.
- Give them something small to do. “Tell me four things you can hear.” Sensory grounding takes attention off the symptoms[3]. If that is too much, ask them to press their feet into the floor.
- Keep your own voice low and slow. They will match your pace long before they follow your words.
- Wait it out. Most attacks last between five and twenty minutes[1]. You are not fixing anything; you are keeping them company through it.
- Afterwards, do not make it a big event. Water, somewhere to sit, no interrogation. Ask what they want to do next rather than deciding for them.
Say this, not that
| Say | Not |
|---|---|
| “I’m here. I’m not going anywhere.” | “I’ll go and get someone.” |
| “This is a panic attack. It peaks and then it eases.” | “There’s nothing to panic about.” |
| “Breathe out with me — long and slow.” | “Take a deep breath.” |
| “You don’t have to talk.” | “What’s wrong? What set this off?” |
| “Tell me four things you can hear.” | “Just try to relax.” |
| “Do you want to move somewhere quieter?” | “Come on, let’s get you out of here.” (while moving them) |
| “Nothing about this is embarrassing.” | “Everyone’s looking — pull yourself together.” |
| “What helps you when this happens?” (asked later) | “You should really see someone about this.” (said immediately) |
What is happening to them
A panic attack is a surge of fear with physical symptoms attached. NIMH lists a pounding or racing heart, sweating, chills, trembling, difficulty breathing, weakness or dizziness, tingly or numb hands, chest pain, and stomach pain or nausea[2]. From the inside it can feel like a heart attack or like dying, which is why “there’s nothing to worry about” lands so badly — the fear is not a misunderstanding, it is a body-level emergency signal.
Two things are worth knowing and worth saying out loud. The NHS states that “although panic attacks are frightening, they’re not dangerous” and that “an attack will not cause you any physical harm”[1]; NIMH adds that panic attacks “themselves are not life-threatening” and that the physical symptoms usually resolve with time[2]. And they end on their own — five to twenty minutes typically, occasionally up to an hour[1][2].
The reason to breathe with them rather than at them: slow breathing, under about ten breaths a minute, is associated with parasympathetic activation and lower reported arousal[4], and people follow a rhythm far more easily than they follow instructions when they are frightened.
If they are talking about wanting to die
Ask directly and stay calm. Asking does not plant the idea. Stay with them, remove anything obviously dangerous if you can do so without a struggle, and contact a crisis line together — in the US, the 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline takes calls, texts and chat, free and around the clock, in English and Spanish[5]. The numbers for other countries are at the top of this page. If there is immediate danger, call emergency services.
Afterwards
- Ask what would help next time. Not now — later, when they are steady. Then remember the answer.
- Do not make it their identity. Checking “are you okay?” twelve times a day is its own pressure.
- Do not take the avoidance job. Helping someone dodge every trigger feels kind and makes the world smaller. Follow their lead and their clinician’s, not your instinct to protect.
- Look after yourself. Watching someone you love have a panic attack is genuinely distressing. That is allowed to have affected you.
Helping them get help
Repeated panic attacks are worth a GP appointment, and the NHS advice is to describe how often they happen and how long they last so other causes can be ruled out[1]. Cognitive behavioural therapy has the strongest evidence base of any psychological approach here, with at least medium effect sizes reported for panic disorder[6]. Offering to help book it, or to come along, is usually more useful than advice.
Try it in relif
If it would help them to have this in their pocket, relif keeps paced breathing and grounding one tap from the home screen, with haptic pacing they can follow with their eyes closed. Liam, the in-app AI companion, is something to write to afterwards — it is an AI, not a therapist, and not a crisis service.
Related guides and tools
- How to stop a panic attackThe version for the person having one
- Panic attack helpOne screen you can hold up for them
- 5-4-3-2-1 groundingSomething to do it together
- Grounding techniquesSix options, if naming things is too much
How this page was written: by the relif team, not by a clinician. We do not publish a “medically reviewed” badge we cannot stand behind. Instead we name and date every source, prefer systematic reviews and randomised trials over single studies, and match the strength of the wording to the strength of the evidence — “may help” and “research suggests”, never “cures” or “treats”.
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Wellness Disclaimer: relif is a wellness and self-care companion designed to support your emotional wellbeing. It is not a medical device, does not provide medical advice, and is not a substitute for professional healthcare, therapy, or counseling. If you are experiencing a medical or mental health emergency, please contact your local emergency services or a crisis helpline immediately.
Sources
- Panic disorder — NHS
- Panic Disorder: What You Need to Know — National Institute of Mental Health (NIMH)
- 5-4-3-2-1 Coping Technique for Anxiety — University of Rochester Medical Center, Behavioral Health Partners (2018)
- How Breath-Control Can Change Your Life: A Systematic Review on Psycho-Physiological Correlates of Slow Breathing — Zaccaro et al., Frontiers in Human Neuroscience 12:353 (2018)
- 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline — 988 Lifeline (US)
- The Efficacy of Cognitive Behavioral Therapy: A Review of Meta-analyses — Hofmann et al., Cognitive Therapy and Research (2012)
